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MONTHLY GAME

I’m not sure how many years ago Gauteng Nomads last played Houghton Golf Club but at a guess it was before we changed from Transvaal to Gauteng Nomads Golf Club and that could be something like 15 years ago.  Any offers?  It used to be one of our regulars when we played on Saturday mornings and I must say that I only recognised two or three holes from the old course.  One of those was the old Stroke One, which is now played in reverse and is now a par 5, under correction.

The course was immaculate from Tee to Green but Jack Nicklaus must have created one of his most difficult courses ever, with lots of water, roller coaster greens and long carries to the fairways even from the Forward Tees.  But there was lots of hot water in the showers with plenty towels afterwards and the Houghton Captain welcomed us back with open arms.  We had one Free State Nomad, 3 Prospective Nomads and 3 Guests in the field and we trust that they all had an enjoyable afternoon.  Bev received 143 Entry Forma and we ended up with a field of 136 players, which we haven’t had for many years.

Bill Swailes, the President of the Central Gauteng Golf Union, gave us a short speech and brought us up to speed with all the happenings in Amateur Golf in our region.

Welcome to Tony Clarke and Greg Collier-Payne who were inducted on the day.  May you have many enjoyable years of Nomads camaraderie, always remembering that the more you participate the more enjoyment you will have out of Nomads.

Congratulations to Richard Moore who was awarded his 40-year tie and Mark Lambchop his 25-year tie.  Robbie von Hagen received his 100 game badge.  Well done to all of you.

The semi-finalists for the Gary Player and the Plate were played and we will have two new winners of the Gary Player Knockout as Sheldon Botha & Chris Keary will meet John van der Spuy & Johnny Myburgh.  In the Gary Player Plate we will have Norman Leys & John Brewin facing up against Ian Bradley & Ian Taylor.  I’m not sure if either of these pairings has been in this situation before!  Whatever, it’s a case of may the best pairing win and good luck to all of you.

Well done Rob Brown on your first ever Divisional win in a Nomads individual competition.

It was quite a coincidence that Dean Hausberger and Andrew Mostert drew each other’s Attendance Prizes at the prizegiving.

Well done to Anton Masterson on getting through your first ever finesmaster session.  It was slick and enjoyable, more so considering you are just a six-month Nomad.  Just a reminder for the next time, always remember to include a Group Fine, even if it’s only for R5.00 but it catches most of those present.

BIRTHDAY AND ANNIVERSARY WISHES

Chris Wells       70

CONDOLENCES TO

Easterns Nomads on the passing of their 1980 Captain, John Marsh.  John and I joined Nomads just one month apart in 1970 (John originally as a Northern Transvaal Nomad). He moved to Easterns as a Founder in 1978 and we were Captains together in 1980.  We extend our condolences to his wife Joeanne and their family.

Northerns Nomads on the passing of Beryl Enslin wife of their 1984 Captain Cliff Enslin and for many years one of their special Ladies at their monthly registration tables.

GET WELL/CASUALTIES

Warren Wallace and Grahame Boyle have both been in the wars and I am glad to say that they both hope to be playing in the near future, why not give them a tinkle!

Dave Renaud’s wife Anne has had major surgery and is on the mend.

JUST ME

The Zimbabwe Nationals date may change again so if you are planning to play in them don’t book your flight just yet!

We extend a very big congratulations to Bev on her first Golforama Tournament, The Joburg Open, which she handled with much aplomb.  Many thanks to the Easterns and Northerns Nomads who made a great contribution to the running of the Tournament, as well as our own Gauteng Nomads.  To those of you were first timers, you have now seen what it’s all about and it’s a lot of fun, so make sure you get your names down early next time.

There are a number of you, dating back to August last year, who have not yet collected your “new” ties.  Please check with Dave Tunbridge when you are going to be at a game to help him clear his backlog.

It was good seeing George Aldrich back so soon after his 2nd hip replacement, take it easy and don’t overdo things George.

Please diarise that the Gauteng Nomads will celebrate their 55th anniversary at the monthly game at Royal Johannesburg & Kensington on the 19th August 2015.

The following tie awards are due in the next six months of this year so please make an effort to be at the prizegiving even if you haven’t played on that particular day.  Should you have missed the exact date because you were ill or were away on holiday or business then please let Dave Tunbridge know when next you are in the field.  The final timesheet often varies from the one he receives but he will have your tie ready for you.  This applies to Associate or Non Active members too, please do come and join the Captain or someone you know for a drink and receive your well-earned award.  If I’ve made a mistake please contact me as soon as you read this report or look on the Gauteng Nomads Samson Website as a check-up.

May    Nil

Jun    Kenneth Blake (45), Peter Redmond (15) and Robbie von Hagen (10)

Jul    Derek Cuthbert (20)

Aug    Heinz Walter (30), Darren Holm (10) & Miguél Cardoso (5)

Sep    James Luyt, Byron Price & Mark Rondi (15) and Bob Fussell (10)

Oct    Rob Hoar (45) and Tyrone Zaaiman (5)

ONIONS AND CHRISTMAS TREES

A family is at the dinner table.  The son asks his father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?”

The father, surprised, answers, “Well son, there are three kinds of boobs:

In her 20s, a woman’s are like melons, round and firm.

In her 30s to 40s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.

After 60, they are like onions.”

“Onions?”

“Yes, you see them and they make you cry.”

This infuriated his wife and daughter, so the daughter said, “Mom, how many kinds of ‘willies’ are there?”

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, “Well dear, a man goes through three phases.”

In his 20s, his ‘willy’ is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.

In his 30s and 40s, it is like a birch, flexible and reliable.

After his 60s, it is like a Christmas tree.”

“A Christmas tree?”

“Yes, the tree is dead and the balls are just for decoration.”