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We were privileged to play at “my favourite club – Glendower” for our Gold Cup, the culminating Gauteng Nomads game of the 2014/15 year.  As one gets older a Club of this calibre gets more and more difficult to play and score on but as always it was in impeccable condition from tee to green which obviously includes the fairways, the bunkers, etc. This was the course, 55 years ago, that the Transvaal Nomads were due to play their first game at but it was washed out, they then tried the next month at Parkview, also washed out.  Eventually in June 1960 the first ever Nomads game was played at Irene, all under correction, as I wasn’t a Nomad until 10 years later.

Those who stayed for the prizegiving were privileged to see a Founder and Honorary Life Member, Andrew Mentis, receive his 55-year tie.  Right now, besides Andrew, there are only three other original Founder Members still around, namely Arthur Ferneyhough (Western Province), Jack Matthews (Southern Natal) and Gary Player (Gauteng).  We congratulate all of them and hope they too will enjoy their 55-year ties, when they receive them.  Andrew’s son, Roy, read out a very short poem written by Andrew and also some words that Andrew wrote, which were appropriate for the occasion.  It was fabulous that Andrew’s grandson (Andrew too) played with us, on the afternoon.

We were fortunate to have quite an illustrious field of 146 players, which included, amongst others, the current National Chairman Gary Rodwell, Honorary Life Members, Past National Chairmen, Past Captains, 6 Easterns Nomads and 23 Guests.  Well done to everyone and a special thank you to Bev, Roz, Wilma and Tony for processing this rather large contingent.

Congratulations to Ron Bartram and Eugene Marais who were awarded their 25 and 10-year ties respectively.

The Gold Cup is always a long evening, with two prizegivings and we must always try to keep a sense of decorum while all the winners come up and receive their prizes.  Special congratulations go out to John van der Spuy and Johnny Myburgh and to Ian Bradley and Ian Taylor who were the first tine winners of the Gary Player Knockout and the Gary Player Plate respectively.  Understandably there were a lot of prizes to get through on the evening and that was done very well and very slickly.  There is no truth in the rumour that Ian Bradley had to borrow Dave Tunbridge’s equipment trailer to take home all his prizes

We say a warm welcome to Guy Rae who was inducted on the evening.   We all hope you enjoy many Gold Cups and the camaraderie of Nomads for many years to come, always remembering that the more you participate the more fun you will have.

Sean Johnston didn’t think the course was too tough as he shot a one over par round, off of a 6 handicap, to record a magnificent 41 points.  Just an eight-month Nomad and he’s won his first Silver Tray.  Well done to our new JVC, Sean Ledden, who had his very first Divisional win!  On the other end of the scale Craig Edwards won Mercado’s Matchbox, with 19 points off Scratch and the Gary Player Plate “beaten pair” recorded a total of 45 points to win the Worst Playing Pair.

For the first time in 45 years, under correction again, we had a finesmaster at the Gold Cup and it was left to Nic du Toit to do his usual slick and witty rendering thereof.



Colin Barlow    80    Richard Isaac    60    James Luyt    40

Mike & Susan Olive     40th    Dave & Samantha Stevens     25th



Zimbabwe Nomads on the passing of Ken Powell.  Ken was the Treasurer of Transvaal Nomads for a number of years and also the National Treasurer.  He was a Gauteng Nomad from 1969 until he transferred to Zimbabwe in 2006.  He played in excess of 25 National Tournaments and had received his 500 game badge (I don’t think there are too many of those in Zimbabwe!).  We extend our condolences to his wife June, daughter Bronwyn and sons Robert and Allan all of whom would like to thank those Nomads who attended Ken’s Memorial service.

Eastern Cape Nomads on their loss of a Past Captain Tony Huggett.  Many of you will remember Tony from the numerous National Tournaments in which he participated.

Late Flash – 24/04/15 : We have lost another original Founder.  Our condolences to Easterns Nomads, who this morning have lost an icon in Bill Wilson.  Bill took over from Ludie Ludeman, mid 1965, as Captain and was then Captain for 18 months.  At 37 years and 10 months he was the youngest Transvaal/Gauteng Captain up until 2003. He was the originator of the Gary Player Knockout Competition.  National Chairman 1969/70.  Transferred to Easterns, as a Founder member, 1n 1968.  Our condolences go out to his wife Peggy and family.



Sue Swallow has not been at all well, but I am glad to report that she is back home and on the mend.



I had a call from Dick Smith, who was a Transvaal Nomad in the 70’s and 80’s.  He read, in the Inside Right magazine, about us playing at the New Houghton.  He phoned to tell me that he was fortunate to win a Silver Tray at the Old Houghton in 1982 and he sends his best wishes to us, especially those “older” Nomads who may remember him.

Andrew Souris was the best playing Gauteng Nomad at the recent National Tournament and he will thus be awarded the Derrick Transell Trophy.  Andrew had a Hole in One at the 7th hole on the Friday of the Champagne Nationals and he has offered to buy a round at the Kyalami game.

I was privileged to play with an entire fourball, of Senior Tee participants, at Gold Cup.  Our combined records stood at 142 Years of Nomads participation, 208 years married, 310 years of age and 1562 Nomads games, quite an achievement.

Graham Bishop comes in as Transvaal/Gauteng’s 51st Captain and he brings our average Captain’s age down to 50 years and 9 months, which he is quite a bit below.  The current age of a Gauteng Nomad stands at 59 years and 3 months despite all the young inductees during the past year, imagine what it was before they joined!!

From all the reports I received, the 50th National Tournament was absolutely fabulous.  The accommodation, the course (although pretty waterlogged and unplayable the one day was superb), the entertainment and food at the evening meals was outstanding.  All in all a fabulous week with many suggestions that all future Nationals should be done exactly the same way!!

We wish both Byron Price and Basil Wilcox well in their transfer to Easterns and we say thanks to Byron as he will still be sponsoring Byron’s Birdie at our Club.

The handicap Divisions at Gauteng Club, for the 2015/16 year will be A division up to 9 handicap, B Division 10 to 14 handicap and C Division 15 to 25 handicap and will not change during the year.

I guess that just leaves me to say Goodbye and I hope that I have kept everybody up to date with many of the goings-on at Transvaal/Gauteng Nomads over the past ±25 years of my Editor’s Snippets and my Blah! Blah!, and not one story was repeated in that time!



An Australian tour guide was showing a group of American tourists the top end of Australia.  On their way to Kakadu he was describing the abilities of the Australian Aborigine to track man or beast over land, through the air, under the sea.  The Americans were incredulous.

Later in the day, the tour rounded a bend on the highway and discovered, lying in the middle of the road, an Aborigine . . . He had one ear pressed to the white line whilst his left leg was held high in the air.  “Jacky”, said the tour guide, “what are you tracking and what are you listening for?” The aborigine replied, “Down the road about 15 miles is a 1971 Valiant pick-up.  It’s a red one… The left front tyre is bald.  The front end is out of whack and him got bloody dents in every panel. There are 9 fellas like me, in the back, all drinking warm sherry.  There are 3 kangaroos on the roof rack and 6 dogs on the front seat.

The Ämerican Tourists moved forward, astounded by this precise and detailed knowledge.  “Good grief man, how do you know all that?” asked one. The Aborigine replied . . . . . ”I fell out of the frigging thing about an hour ago!”


I’m not sure how many years ago Gauteng Nomads last played Houghton Golf Club but at a guess it was before we changed from Transvaal to Gauteng Nomads Golf Club and that could be something like 15 years ago.  Any offers?  It used to be one of our regulars when we played on Saturday mornings and I must say that I only recognised two or three holes from the old course.  One of those was the old Stroke One, which is now played in reverse and is now a par 5, under correction.

The course was immaculate from Tee to Green but Jack Nicklaus must have created one of his most difficult courses ever, with lots of water, roller coaster greens and long carries to the fairways even from the Forward Tees.  But there was lots of hot water in the showers with plenty towels afterwards and the Houghton Captain welcomed us back with open arms.  We had one Free State Nomad, 3 Prospective Nomads and 3 Guests in the field and we trust that they all had an enjoyable afternoon.  Bev received 143 Entry Forma and we ended up with a field of 136 players, which we haven’t had for many years.

Bill Swailes, the President of the Central Gauteng Golf Union, gave us a short speech and brought us up to speed with all the happenings in Amateur Golf in our region.

Welcome to Tony Clarke and Greg Collier-Payne who were inducted on the day.  May you have many enjoyable years of Nomads camaraderie, always remembering that the more you participate the more enjoyment you will have out of Nomads.

Congratulations to Richard Moore who was awarded his 40-year tie and Mark Lambchop his 25-year tie.  Robbie von Hagen received his 100 game badge.  Well done to all of you.

The semi-finalists for the Gary Player and the Plate were played and we will have two new winners of the Gary Player Knockout as Sheldon Botha & Chris Keary will meet John van der Spuy & Johnny Myburgh.  In the Gary Player Plate we will have Norman Leys & John Brewin facing up against Ian Bradley & Ian Taylor.  I’m not sure if either of these pairings has been in this situation before!  Whatever, it’s a case of may the best pairing win and good luck to all of you.

Well done Rob Brown on your first ever Divisional win in a Nomads individual competition.

It was quite a coincidence that Dean Hausberger and Andrew Mostert drew each other’s Attendance Prizes at the prizegiving.

Well done to Anton Masterson on getting through your first ever finesmaster session.  It was slick and enjoyable, more so considering you are just a six-month Nomad.  Just a reminder for the next time, always remember to include a Group Fine, even if it’s only for R5.00 but it catches most of those present.


Chris Wells       70


Easterns Nomads on the passing of their 1980 Captain, John Marsh.  John and I joined Nomads just one month apart in 1970 (John originally as a Northern Transvaal Nomad). He moved to Easterns as a Founder in 1978 and we were Captains together in 1980.  We extend our condolences to his wife Joeanne and their family.

Northerns Nomads on the passing of Beryl Enslin wife of their 1984 Captain Cliff Enslin and for many years one of their special Ladies at their monthly registration tables.


Warren Wallace and Grahame Boyle have both been in the wars and I am glad to say that they both hope to be playing in the near future, why not give them a tinkle!

Dave Renaud’s wife Anne has had major surgery and is on the mend.


The Zimbabwe Nationals date may change again so if you are planning to play in them don’t book your flight just yet!

We extend a very big congratulations to Bev on her first Golforama Tournament, The Joburg Open, which she handled with much aplomb.  Many thanks to the Easterns and Northerns Nomads who made a great contribution to the running of the Tournament, as well as our own Gauteng Nomads.  To those of you were first timers, you have now seen what it’s all about and it’s a lot of fun, so make sure you get your names down early next time.

There are a number of you, dating back to August last year, who have not yet collected your “new” ties.  Please check with Dave Tunbridge when you are going to be at a game to help him clear his backlog.

It was good seeing George Aldrich back so soon after his 2nd hip replacement, take it easy and don’t overdo things George.

Please diarise that the Gauteng Nomads will celebrate their 55th anniversary at the monthly game at Royal Johannesburg & Kensington on the 19th August 2015.

The following tie awards are due in the next six months of this year so please make an effort to be at the prizegiving even if you haven’t played on that particular day.  Should you have missed the exact date because you were ill or were away on holiday or business then please let Dave Tunbridge know when next you are in the field.  The final timesheet often varies from the one he receives but he will have your tie ready for you.  This applies to Associate or Non Active members too, please do come and join the Captain or someone you know for a drink and receive your well-earned award.  If I’ve made a mistake please contact me as soon as you read this report or look on the Gauteng Nomads Samson Website as a check-up.

May    Nil

Jun    Kenneth Blake (45), Peter Redmond (15) and Robbie von Hagen (10)

Jul    Derek Cuthbert (20)

Aug    Heinz Walter (30), Darren Holm (10) & Miguél Cardoso (5)

Sep    James Luyt, Byron Price & Mark Rondi (15) and Bob Fussell (10)

Oct    Rob Hoar (45) and Tyrone Zaaiman (5)


A family is at the dinner table.  The son asks his father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?”

The father, surprised, answers, “Well son, there are three kinds of boobs:

In her 20s, a woman’s are like melons, round and firm.

In her 30s to 40s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.

After 60, they are like onions.”


“Yes, you see them and they make you cry.”

This infuriated his wife and daughter, so the daughter said, “Mom, how many kinds of ‘willies’ are there?”

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, “Well dear, a man goes through three phases.”

In his 20s, his ‘willy’ is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.

In his 30s and 40s, it is like a birch, flexible and reliable.

After his 60s, it is like a Christmas tree.”

“A Christmas tree?”

“Yes, the tree is dead and the balls are just for decoration.”


It was great having a game at The Wanderers after a few years break.  The tees, the fairways and the greens were all in superb nick and the whole atmosphere was very good all afternoon, through the prizegiving and on into the evening.  Thanks to Brian Bolton for stepping in for The Wanderers Captain and welcoming Nomads back to his Club.

The Forward Tees were very fair on 14 of the holes but on all four short holes they were right alongside the Club tees, I bet none of the Seniors won a closest to the pin, or did they?

Thank you to Bev, Roz, Wilma and Tony for all they do at every monthly game to get the lost lame and lazy through the booking in tables.

Many thanks to our Sponsors, both National and Local for all the wonderful support you give to Gauteng Nomads Golf Club.  I don’t think that the average Nomad realises, just what a Nomads golf game would cost with out our Sponsors.

Congratulations to Ken Jacques who was awarded his 35-year tie.  Ken is the last of the Nomads whom I inducted in my year of Captaincy, he was our Benson & Hedges Sponsor then and when he retired he stayed on to become a Full participating Nomad Member.  Thank you Ken.  On the same evening Roy Bromilow and Robin Gray were awarded their 20-year ties.  Well done to Brian Bolton on receiving his 400 game badge, this was done over a period of 36.67 years at an average of 10.91 games per year.  Brian is actually an Easterns Founder Members and I wonder how many of Easterns remaining Founders have played 400 games!

It would be remiss of me if I didn’t mention how great it was to see Heinz Walter back on the Nomads’ fairways after his terrible mishap almost 3½ years.

How nice that Pat Cornish, an ex Zimbabwe Captain and National Chairman, came and joined us for a drink at our prizegiving.

We hope that the visiting Easterns enjoyed their afternoon with us including Jarrod Williams a prospective Nomad and son of an Easterns Past Captain, Rod Williams.

Thanks to Spero Marinki for stepping at the 11th hour to do a sharp and slick fines session.



Derek Cuthbert    50



Many thanks to Dickie Dixon who provided us with a most enjoyable carvery, for us to celebrate his 90th birthday.  At last Dickie has “broken down” and has played his first Nomads’ game off the Forward Tees; this in itself is a wonderful achievement.  Thank you Dickie.

Unfortunately there are three more Nomads whom we must say goodbye to David Bailey, Jimmy Littlewood and Peter Nieman, enjoy your “retirement” gentlemen.

A little reminder to those of you, who have forgotten to pay your subs., they are now past due.

If at any time you enter for any National Tournament, remember that you must wear an “Away Nationals” shirt; if you don’t have one just speak to Graham Bishop.

The Captain did an unusual “lotto type” thing at prizegiving with a continuous toss of the coin to select next month’s finesmaster from amongst those guys who have never ever done a fines session.  Anton Masterson was left standing, at the end, so please keep your eyes open for any misdemeanours that you see at Houghton and pass them on to Anton.


Congratulations to Easterns who pipped us 21 to 19 at this year’s Captain’s Cup.  I believe that it all went down to the last two matches.


Stephen van der Merwe has now filled in for a gap in the upcoming Gauteng Nationals team and we wish him well at his first National Tournament.




This actually happened in an Underground station in Melbourne.  There were protesters on the Flagstaff station concourse handing out pamphlets on the evils of Australia.

I politely declined to take one.  An elderly woman behind me was getting off the escalator and a young (20-dish) female protester offered her a pamphlet, which she politely declined.

The young protester put her hand on the woman’s shoulder as a gesture of friendship and in a very soft voice said, “Madam, don’t you care about the children of Iraq?”

The elderly woman looked up at her and said, “My dear, my father died in France during World War 2, I lost my husband in Korea and my grandson in Afghanistan.  All three died so you could have the right to stand here and bad mouth our Country.

If you touch me again I’ll stick this umbrella up your backside and trust me, I’ll open it.

Isn’t it amazing how many times, in the past five years, we have been washed out at either our December or our January game! This January was no exception and many thanks to Bryanston for being able to accommodate us before our February game. Unfortunately, the greenkeeper had already planned the treatment of the greens for the Monday after our game, which was rained out. This meant that we couldn’t experience the normally perfect and speedy Bryanston greens in all their glory. Be that as it may, the tees were beautiful, the fairways were immaculate, there were lots of towels and hot water in the changerooms and the Forward Tees were generally very fair. Thanks again Bryanston Country Club.

According to the last timesheet there were 124 players in the field and that bodes well for the rest of the year. It was great to see at least four Northerns in the field and it was good to see Heinz Abt, Ron Panaino, Dave Renaud and Ray Germs back in the field after some time away. Thanks to Hennie Ehlers who came out, after his knee op, to start the field; that’s what Nomads is all about.

My fourball stood on the 9th tee (which was our last hole) and both of our opponents had a total of 20 points. No thought of the Matchbox but Eugene Marx said “Even if I have a Hole in One” I will still get back two shots next month!” He had just one practice swing with his nine iron, made what looked like a perfect swing, one bounce just short of the pin and in it popped. This was to record his first Hole in One ever; he was like a puppy with six tails. Many thanks for the drink Eugene, I’m not sure how the barmen controlled the tab and lets hope it wasn’t too high!

Well done to Dave Renaud on receiving his 20-year tie and to Graham Bishop and Barry Bruton their 5-year ties. Congratulations to Doug Watson on being awarded his 400 game badge (this was done over a period of 35.25 years at an average of 11.35 games per year) there aren’t too many of those countrywide. Tulio Coelho was awarded his 200 game badge and Eugene Marais and Mark Rondi their 100 game badges.

Thank you to Sean Ledden for doing the fines session. Remember to always include a group fine even if it is only R5.00 or R10.00, well done.


Dickie Dixon 90 Gary & Eleanor Clark 30th


Natal Nomads on the passing of Brian Shagam, he was their last remaining Founder (circa 01/64, a 51-year Nomad member). I guess this will happen to all Clubs at some time but I do believe that Natal is the first Club to have this happen.


Thanks to the Executive Committee for the Prego style chicken rolls after the prizegiving, we were certainly well catered for and they really were superb blotting paper.

We have had possibly the most ever resignations in one month at Transvaal/Gauteng Nomads and regrettably we have to say goodbye to Frank Booth, Marius de Jager, Fernando Guilherme (may transfer to Botswana), Norman Murray, Mike Ulyett and Johan van Wyk. We wish all of you God speed in your future endeavours and perhaps one-day you will see your way clear to come and join us again.

It’s almost time for Bev to run her 1st Golforama tournament and she is still looking for help from Thursday the 26th February up to and including Sunday the 1st March, especially on the Thursday and the Friday. If you can help, for even one day, please give Bev a ring right now, she needs all the help that she can get. In fact if you would like to bring a friend along to help out, they will be welcomed and taught everything they need to know quite quickly.

The Mystery Tour is still on for the 10th April. There are a few spots still available and Andrew Mostert is waiting for your call to him on 082 4430894. This is a really fun day, if you can get up that early, so ring Mossie right now.

Eugene Marx was definitely in the prizes, besides his Hole in One he was in the Worst Playing Pair and also in the Worst Playing Fourball, an afternoon to remember.


Several days ago, as I left a meeting, I desperately gave myself a personal search. I was looking for my car keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing. Suddenly I realised I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the car park. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. His theory is that the car will be stolen.

As I scanned the car park I came to a terrifying conclusion! His theory was right. The car park was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car and it had been stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all. “Hello My Love”. “I left my keys in the car and it has been stolen.” There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been disconnected then I heard his voice. He barked, “I dropped you off!”

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, “Well, come and get me.” He retorted, “I will as soon as I convince this policeman that I have not stolen your bloody car.”

This is what they call, “the Golden Years!”


It is quite amazing what a good spell of rain can do to a golf course and Randpark’s Bushwillow was no exception.  Despite the other course (Firethorn) being totally unplayable, the Bushwillow course is standing up to having to handle what must be an enormous amount of traffic for a normally two-course golf club.  The tees, the fairways, the greens and the entire course were all in immaculate condition. I had the honour of teeing off first on the 18th hole, not only because I was the only one to score a point on the 17th but because the Senior Tee was ±100mm behind the Club Tee.  Someone, from the morning field I believe, had a lot of fun moving the Senior Tees around as on at least three occasions the Senior Tee was only 100mm in front of the Club Tees.  We had a superb field of 171 players on the day and the afternoon field moved very well.

There was a wonderful vibe at the Xmas Cup, which carried on into the prizegiving and then we had a magnificent meal with cold buffet, hot buffet and very tasty puddings.  Thank you to Randpark for the excellent spread and a big thank you to your Executive Committee for their generous sponsorship of ±66% of the meal.  If you went home hungry you had only yourself to blame.

This was the first year we invited all the Captains, of the Clubs we play at during the year, to join us as our Guests and to play for the 1st ever Gauteng Nomads Xmas Cup Trophy.  10 of the Captains took up the invitation and congratulations to Rob Clouston, the Captain of Bryanston, on being the winning Captain.

Congratulations to Craig Clarke and Lee (not a brother to Guy) Fawkes, who were inducted on the evening.  At 35 and 34 respectively, they help to keep our average age down (currently sitting at 59.28 years).  We hope both of you will enjoy many many years of Nomads camaraderie and fellowship always remembering that the more you participate the more fun you will have.

On the evening Joan Dixon attained her 25th year of membership, Norman Leys and Alan Tonks received their 5-year ties and Antonio da Mota was awarded his 100 game badge.

Thank you to Stephen van der Merwe, another just a 14-month Nomad, for doing your first fine session.  It was quite a difficult task, with such a big crowd and lots of visitors.  Well done.


Tony Shaw     75     Basil Wilcox    60     Dobri Stanisavljevic     50

John “Pye” & Irene Bredenkamp       50th


 Pino & Kerry Gerin, belatedly, on the arrival of their pigeon pair.

Tony & Ana Maria, also belatedly, on the marriage of their younger daughter.


 Hennie Ehlers had a knee replacement recently and he is progressing well with lots of physiotherapy.


Southern Natal Nomads on the passing of Mike Roe.  Mike was a Transvaal/Gauteng Nomad for 37 years until he retired down the Coast and he received his 40 year-tie in February this year.  His wife Wendy would like to thank the Gauteng Nomads who attended Mike’s memorial service and wake at the Wanderers Golf Club.

Easterns Nomads on the passing of Gaby Schoeman, whom a lot of us will remember as “Rover Gabby” at Golforama.

Randpark Golf Club on the passing of their CEO Doug Bain.  The one minute silence during the afternoon of our Xmas Cup was quite a stirring moment.


It was good to see Heinz Abt playing at Randpark, he had a heart attack two months ago and drove himself to the hospital as his wife was, and still is, away overseas.

Congratulations to the team of 36 players chosen for the 50th Nomads National Tournament to be played at Champagne Sports Resort in the Southern Berg.  A special mention of the first timers, namely :- Andrew Souris, James Gowans, Les du Preez and Andrew Somerville, this is going to be lifetime experience.  I am just sorry that my “old” body won’t let me play 4 games in six days as I would love to play in the 50th National Tournament and receive my 25th National Tournament badge.  I might still be there incognito!!

Despite the very polite letter to so many defaulting members, for the number of games they have played in the first six months of the year, the Membership Officer has not been inundated with replies.  Please just send Nic du Toit (or the Captain) a note or a fax to explain the circumstances of your current poor playing record, preferably before you pay your subs., now due!

It is a sign of the times that Tie Awards and possible Badge Awards, during the coming year, will no longer appear in the Inside Right magazine.  In future if you wish to check your current standings, like all the annual competitions, you will have to log on to the Gauteng Nomads Website and then click on to your member profile.  Good luck!

If I have missed a special occasion during this past year, be it happy or sad, please forgive me as I can only write about the feedback that I get and that has been very sparse this year.

That just leaves me with the pleasant task of wishing you and your loved ones a Very Blessed Christmas and a Happy, Healthy and Prosperous New Year.  If you are travelling anywhere, go well and come home safely.


Dorothy and Edna, two Senior widows, are talking.

Dorothy : “That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date.  I know you went out with him last week and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer.”

Edna : “Well, I’ll tell you.  He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7pm, dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit and he brings me such beautiful flowers!  Then he takes me downstairs.  And what’s there a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all.  Then he takes me for dinner, a marvellous dinner, lobster, champagne, dessert and after-dinner drinks.  Then we go to see a show.  Let me tell you Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure!  So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL.  Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me three times!”

Dorothy : “Goodness gracious!  So you are telling me I shouldn’t go!”

Edna : “No, no, no. . . I’m just saying wear an old dress.”