MONTHLY GAME

 What a pleasure to be back playing a game of golf at one of the top 10 (under correction) courses in South Africa, namely Royal Johannesburg and Kensington’s East Course.  The fairways and greens were in very good condition but surprisingly the bunkers were mostly rock hard.  The greens were very difficult to read sometimes the same speed in all directions but very fair.  As expected nobody came close to conquering this course and even more so off of the Senior/Forward Tees, this course is a really “tough nut” to crack. I can’t remember when last we had 11 names on the waiting list of our timesheet, perhaps we have to apply to RJKGC earlier in the year to be allowed a field of more than 112 players.  Also, I think, that perhaps we should apply to play on a Wednesday and then we might get the West Course for a change!  Many thanks to RJKGC for the use of your course and also for sponsoring the super curry and rice after prizegiving, especially on such a cold evening and it really was wonderful blotting paper.

Well done to Colin Barlow and Ron Sinclair who were awarded their 400^th and 300^th game badges respectively.  Congratulations to Peter Kirchmann who received his 25-Year tie.

Despite having to stand out in the cold from “get go”, our Starters managed to win the Playing Fourball, well done.  An interesting item came out of the prize sheet, Colin Nicholls was in the Worst Playing Fourball but also he was in the Drawn Runners Up Playing Fourball.  Craig Edwards had a very long afternoon, he won his first ever Matchbox with 19 points playing off Scratch, even the good golfers struggled on Royal East!

How nice it was to see Brian Cusins, Heinz Walter and Tony Shaw joining us at RJKGC.

We welcome Wilma as a new assistant to Bev and Roz at the registration table and we hope to see you for many years to come, thank you ladies.

It was great to see the hard copies of the Inside Right magazine at registration and on the tables in the prizegiving, I hope there weren’t to many lying around after the prizegiving.  Hopefully they can be posted to our 3 Senior Nomads, who don’t have an email address.

Many thanks to Paul Isaac who, at almost 27, became (I believe) the youngest ever Gauteng Nomad’s finesmaster.  You did superbly well considering that you are not yet a two-year Nomad and we look forward to your further fines sessions.  Just, on a personal note, try and do a lot more individual fines, give us a story/joke and just one group fine at the end of your session.

BIRTHDAY AND ANNIVERSARY WISHES

Peter Kirchmann    75     Andrew Sommerville     50

David Gibb         40     Scott Taggart          40

CONGRATULATIONS TO

Brian and Isla Bolton, who became grandparents for the 6^th time with the arrival of their 2^nd granddaughter. 

GET WELL/CASUALTIES

Dickie Dixon had a nasty fall and has torn the ligaments in his shoulder, he will be out of action for a few months.

Ron Panaino has had a few problems with his back since he drove his golf cart into a dam at Bryanston.  He has had a back fusion and will also be incapacitated for quite a while.  We missed you at your home club, last week, Ron but at least there was more Bell’s for all of us!

Ron Bartram has had a knee replacement and he is progressing slowly.  He has already been out hitting balls and hopes to be back on the golf course quite soon.

Nic & Bev du Toit’s grandson has been in and out of hospital and we wish him a speedy recovery.

JUST ME

There are still a few spots available in the Gary Player Knockout, if you haven’t entered and don’t have an Entry Form please give Bev a tinkle and she will send one to you.  If you have never played in this Knockout and don’t have a partner then enter on your own and Bruce Richards will pair you with another Nomad, also looking for a partner.

Our Andrew Mentis Endowment Fund Chairman, Graham Bishop, is trying to resolve the big increase in the price of the tickets for the big Rugby Game, hopefully he will let us know all the details by the next game.

This month’s Lotto Draw was won by someone who hasn’t yet paid for their ticket so the money will go back into the 2014 Andrew Mentis Fundraising “kitty”.  If you are not sure whether you have fully paid for your ticket(s) please contact Andrew Mostert (082 443 0894) NOW.

Many thanks to Spero Marinki for printing out our Diary Inserts (where do we get them punched).  They probably need to be posted to our Associate, Non Active, Suspensive, etc. members, I guess that we haven’t had to do much posting in the last few years!

The following tie awards are due in the second six months of the year so please make an effort to be at the prizegiving even if you haven’t played on that particular day.  Should you have missed the exact date because you were ill or were away on holiday or business then please let Dave Tunbridge know when next you are in the field.  The final timesheet often varies from the one he receives but he will have your tie ready for you.  This applies to Associate or Non Active members too, please do come and join the Captain or someone you know for a drink and receive your well-earned award.  If I’ve made a mistake please contact me as soon as you read this report.  Also just a reminder to those of you who didn’t get around to collecting your ties in the first six months of this year, please make an effort to do something about this as soon as possible (you should know who you are!).

Jul   Ron Jones, Tony Luyt & Doug Lynch (30), Doug Hamilton & Terry McLaughlin (15) and Allen Needham (10)

Aug   David Brown (40), Paul Bolton & Ian Taylor (15) and Mike Rickhoff & Chris Wells (5)

Oct   Brian Cusins (40), Doug Watson (35), Glen Dalton (25) and Warren Wallace (15)

Nov   Frank Booth (10), Norman Leys, Alan Tonks & George Williams (5)

PANTIES ON A PLANE

Three large, African American ladies were getting ready to take a plane trip for the very first time.  The first lady said, “I don’t know about y’all but I’m gonna put me on sum hot pink panties beefo’ I gets on dat plane.” “What you gonna wear dem for?” the other two asked.  The first replied, “Cause, if dat plane goes down and I’m out dere lying butt-up in a conefield, dey gonna find me first.”

The second lady said, “Well, then I’m a-gonna wear me some floe resant orange panties.” “Why you gonna wear dem?” the others asked.  The second lady answered, “Cause if dis hare plane is goin’ down and I be floatin butt-up in the oshun, day can see me first.”

The third lady says, “Well, I ain’t gonna wear no panties…”  “What? No panties?” the others asked in disbelief.  The third lady says, “Dat’s right girlfriends, you hears me right.  I ain’t wearing no panties cos, honey, dey always look for da black box first”

MONTHLY GAME

 Kyalami was in superb condition.  The course has been tidied up in a number of areas, the tees and fairways were still fairly green, for this time of the year, and the greens very good and somewhat fast in all directions, we hope their Club championships went off well over the following weekend.  We played off two “alternate” tees on two of the short holes and they were both very interesting.

It was great to welcome the “new” National Chairman, Greg Clack from the Eastern Cape, on his first official Nomads Club visit during his year of Office.  He has already attended two Junior Golf Tournaments and he was very pleasantly surprised for all the thanks, to Nomads, that he got from the young golfers.  He brought us up to speed with some of the things he plans to during this coming year and he was delighted to play at Kyalami, where the first Nomads National Tournament was held in 1966.  He complimented us on our new uniform and thanked our two ladies for everything that they do at registration.  We second that.

Neil Homann, from the South African Golf Union, had a few minutes on the microphone and he explained what they do for Junior Golf across the country and he thanked us (Nomads) for all the tournaments that we sponsor countrywide.  The Kyalami Captain, Steve van der Klis, was also very complimentary to us and said that if any of us are ever in the area of the Club and are looking for a game we should make ourselves feel welcome to come and play at Kyalami.

Welcome to Mike Heffill who was inducted, by the National Chairman, on the evening.  Not many Nomads have that privilege.  Mike is an under-30 Nomad and judging by the number of look-see games he has played at he will be a very keen “young” Nomad.  Remember to get your Entry Form in right away to play in the Gary Player Knockout and please enjoy many many years of Nomads camaraderie.

Congratulations to Jamie Gowans who received his “first” Silver Tray and to Doug Watson and Larry B, who received their Silver Trays for their 40-pointers at Nationals.  Well played all of you.

Well done Zenn Vermeulen who, as an 11-month Nomad, won his first Division, may this be the start of many to come.

Many thanks to Larry B for a short and sharp fines session.

BIRTHDAY AND ANNIVERSARY WISHES

Joan Dixon    80     Helen Brown    75     Ron Panaino    75

Tony Luyt     70     Alan Tonks     70     Robin Gray     60

JUST ME

It has been drawn to our attention that a number of you are still wearing “secret” socks and non-Nomad socks, both of these are unacceptable.  Please bear in mind that if this is noticed on either of the starting tees you will be told to go and buy the appropriate socks and will have to catch up to your threeball or else you can just go home.

The whole idea about playing at a Nomads monthly game is to participate fully.  This does not mean that we want your R20.00 for going home early.  It has been duly noted that a number of you are doing this on a regular basis, this is frowned upon (other than a very occasional apology) and this will be punished, in some way, in the future.

When you arrive at a game please remember to check in with the Main Starter, just let him know that you are at the course.  If you just go straight to the tee you will you will be asked to go back and report to the Main Starter.  For those of you who don’t know the Main Starter this year is Barry Bruton (our Junior Vice Captain) and if you don’t know who he is just ask someone before you go rushing off to the tee.

Many of you are still “forgetting” to phone your clubs to give them your gross score after a Nomad’s game.  It has been decided that if someone has done this in future we will phone your club, after the 72 hours, and give them your gross score on the day.  Also if this happens on three occasions we will implement the cutting/adjusting of your Nomad’s handicap.

I believe that the 2^nd Swaziland National Tournament was a blast and there should be a report from our co-ordinator elsewhere in this magazine.

According to my records, there are a number of you who haven’t played a Nomad’s game for some time, for one or other reason and therefore haven’t received your “new” tie.  We would love to see you at a prizegiving to receive your appropriate tie.  These are the names that I have:- Joe Civin 45-Year (Jan 2013), Vic Hurford 5-Year (Mar 2013), Rupert Fourie 5-Year (Sep 2013) and Pierre Dormehl 20-Year (Oct 2013).  Please give the Captain a ring before you put in an appearance, so that the new Equipment Officer, Dave Tunbridge, can make doubly sure that your tie is ready for presentation to you.

It sounds like plans are well underway for the 50th Nomads National Tournament to be played in the Drakensberg next year.  I’m not sure how many players can be accommodated at the course but I think you will have to play all your games just to make the team.

Congratulations to Alec Saunders on being made an Honorary Life Member at Germiston Golf Club.

GOLFING TRIP

A woman is in bed with her lover – her husband’s best friend, while in bed the phone rings.

Because it’s the woman’s house, she reaches over and picks up the receiver.

The guy listens in, only hearing her side of the conservation.

She is speaking in a cheery voice.  “Hello, Oh, Hi! So glad you called.  Really!… That’s wonderful! I’m so happy for you. Sounds terrific.  Great! Thanks! Okay. Bye-bye…”

She hangs up the phone and the guy asks, “Who was that?”

“My husband, telling me what a wonderful time he’s having on the golfing trip with you.”

MONTHLY GAME

 It really was so strange having Gold Cup as a midweek game (on a Wednesday), in April and at Glendower.  I personally do believe that this has never happened during the last 44 years of Transvaal/Gauteng Nomads.  In fact perhaps it has never ever happened, at Transvaal/ Gauteng Nomads, as for many years the Gold Cup was always played on Dingaans Day, the 16^th of December and in more recent years on a Friday.  What was also strange was that there was no dance after the double prizegiving, another first over the same 44-year span of time.  Interestingly we went straight from the day’s prizegiving into the annual Gold Cup prizegiving and we were done and dusted by about 20h30 and that was including the introduction of the new Gauteng Executive Committee!  Well done to Spero and your Committee on a really great year and have a great year Darren.

Glendower was as always in superb condition, the fairways looked great, the greens were rolling true (especially the two that I scored on) and the whole ambience of the club was superb.  Thank you to Glendower and our Executive Committee for the very tasty, blotting paper of Prego rolls and chips, they went down very well.  I wonder how many of you may not know that the first ever Nomads game was played at Glendower in April 1960 and to the best of my knowledge we have played a game there every year since that date, that’s an extremely long association.  Some people don’t know when they have had enough punishment and Larry B is once again Captain of Glendower

Welcome to Brian McLean who was inducted on the evening.  We love having another inductee under 45 joining us as it keeps our overall average Gauteng Nomad age down.  Someone asked me, at Gold Cup, what the average age of a Gauteng Nomad is and I think we are still the highest in the country with an average of 59.51.  Brian may you enjoy many happy years with the Nomads Golf Club always remembering that the more you participate the more fun you will have.

Congratulations to Mike Carr & Ralph White on their first time winning of the Gary Player Knockout (they have won the Plate before) by just one point.  There was a similar result in the Gary Player Plate with Larry B and Ryan White being the victors, also for the first time.  Well played to all you numerous Gold Cup winners especially Tulio Coelho who was the winner of the Player of the Year, he won on a very good score of 480 points which is the equivalent of level par for the whole 16 months.

Graham Bishop and Barry Bruton had a very long afternoon winning the Worst Playing Pair with 42 points and Barry collected his first Matchbox with 16 points off of a handicap of 8.

Sid Rickhoff must have needed a bakkie to take home all his prizes, well played Sid.  Amongst his prizes was the “new” Imperial/Auto MFC Nomads Challenge for your best 8 scores for the year and this win entitles Sid to go down to Fancourt to play off against the winner of this Challenge at each of the other Nomads Clubs.

Congratulations to Ron Panaino, Dickie Dixon and Steve Anticevich on receiving their 400, 300 and 100 game badges respectively. The tie awards on that evening were Nic du Toit and Pat Gaffney 15-Year, Denis Hutchinson 10-Year and Conrad Vermeulen 5-Year.

BIRTHDAY AND ANNIVERSARY WISHES

Brian Bolton    70     Roy Bromilow    60     Lucien Taeger 60

Rui da Silva    50     Darren Smith    40

Doug & Christina Watson  50^th  Brian & Carol Coetzee  25^th

GET WELL/CASUALTIES

We had hoped to see Joe Civin at the Gold Cup to receive his 45-Year tie but he put his back out the evening before and had to withdraw.  Joe will be 95 this coming September and he is still playing golf but, as he said, not quite as often as he would like to. We wish you a speedy recovery Joe and hope to see you, for that award, quite soon.

It has been two months since Ron Bartram had his knee replacement and we all wish him a speedy recovery.  A lot of us know that the older you are the longer the recuperation will be so don’t go rushing to get back into the swing of things, too soon.

CONDOLENCES TO

It is with great regret that I have to advise you of the passing of our 1969 Transvaal/Gauteng Nomads Captain, Pat Mc Gurk.  Pat was one of the originators of the Golforama scoring boards back in the 60s and he was one of the Co-ordinators of the Transvaal Nationals held at Randpark in 1973.  Pat had played very little Nomads golf since 1981 but he, with a reminder, always came out to collect his tie awards. The last one was his 50-Year tie in February 2013 and the Captain let him speak on the microphone, which he did with his usual aplomb at just short of his 93^rd birthday.  The family would like to thank those Nomads who attended his funeral and our best wishes and prayers are extended to all of them.

JUST ME

Darren at very nearly 41 becomes the 4^th youngest ever Transvaal/Gauteng Nomads Captain.

Two things that were a little disappointing recently were the fact that only ±15 out of the 25 inductees, during the past 16 months, played in the Gold Cup as well as the fact that a number of the Gold Cup qualifiers did not even enter for the Gold Cup!

Thank you to the five Easterns Nomads who came out to play with us at our Gold Cup, we hope you enjoyed playing on such a championship course.

There are a number of you who are having or have had a problem fulfilling your playing commitments during the past two years.  If we haven’t heard from you we don’t know why we haven’t seen you.  Please give the Captain, or one of the Committee, a tinkle and discover if it is possible to change your category of membership albeit for perhaps just a year.  In that way you will not be putting your membership in jeopardy and be receiving a letter of termination.  The same applies with your subscriptions, if you are having a problem in this area please do the same.  Whichever category you may fall in to please do something about it now, we want you to retain your membership and we would like to see you amongst us quite soon.

GROWING UP PROBLEMS

 When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big boobs.

When I was 15, I met a girl but her boobs were small.

When I was 16, I got a girlfriend but there was no passion so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.

In college, I dated a passionate girl but she was too emotional.  Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide.  So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring.  She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything.  Life became so dull that I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28, I found an exciting girl but I couldn’t keep up with her.  She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything.  She did mad, impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy.  She was great fun initially and very energetic but directionless.

So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.

When I turned 31, I found a smart, ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly planted on the ground and married her.  She was so ambitious, that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

Now that I am older and wiser I am looking for a girl with big boobs.

MONTHLY GAME

 The Krugersdorp Golf Course was in exceptional nick, so it should have been after all the rain we have had.  The fairways ran very fairly and evenly and the greens were probably the slickest we have played on in many a year.  There was lots of hot water and plenty towels this time around.  Thank you to the Captain Billy Pollock for the warm welcome to your Club.

There was keen competition for places in the Gary Player Knockout and the Gary Player Plate Finals and it turns out that irrespective of who wins there will be new pairings’ names on both of the trophies.  Good luck to all of you.

Congratulations to Alec Saunders and John Warwick who received their 45 and 40-year ties respectively.  The Captain received his 20-year tie and Ian Bradley was awarded his 200 game badge.  I reminded the Captain that we have now had a bet for one month short of 20 years, not many of them last that long.

Welcome to Sheldon Botha, Dawid Ferreira, Chris Keary, Byron Stephenson (Sponsor) and Greg Yeoman all of whom were inducted on the evening.  We wish all of you a long and happy tenure at Gauteng Nomads, please remember that the more often you play the more fun you will have.   With the change of the year, the new one (2014/15) starts in May, you will be able to play in the Gary Player Knockout.  If you don’t know any other Nomads, besides your Proposer and Seconder, just fill in an Entry Form, pay your money and we will find you a partner.  To the best of my knowledge this is the only trophy in the world that carries the name of Gary Player.

Congratulations to Les du Preez on his first winning of a Division, after being a Nomad for just 16 months.  It’s a pity that he will be overseas and not able to play in the Gold Cup at Glendower.  He said he was looking forward to playing at his home club in May but not that crazy playing off of a 1 handicap.

Jimmy Littlewood had a long afternoon and he managed to extend his total Matchboxes won to 14 over a duration of 45 years, this could well be a countrywide record!

The Captain has had a very busy year inducting new members.  At last count there were 24 new Nomads in his 16 months at the helm and this has kept our overall total membership numbers at a very good level.

Thank you Nic du Toit for your slick fines session at your “old” club.

BIRTHDAY AND ANNIVERSARY WISHES

Andy Ostle   60  Walter & Ann Kuner  30^th  James & Glenda Lazenby  30^th

Colin & Betty Nicholls 30^th    Pat & Ruth Gaffney  25^th

CONGRATULATIONS TO

David & Cindy Bailey on the arrival of their third granddaughter.

JUST ME

Our AGM must have been almost the smallest attendance in many years.  In fact there were more apologies (57) than attendees (42)!  However what was more disturbing was that of the 24 inductees and “transfers in”, during this past 15 months, only 5 attended and 4 sent their apologies.  The AGM is where you can have your say about anything that you are unhappy with at Nomads, on the other side of the coin perhaps that means that all the members are happy with what your Executive Committee are doing!

Congratulations to Doug Watson and Larry B who both made Silver Trays at the Port Elizabeth Nationals and Larry B was the Gauteng Nomad with the total most individual points at the Tournament so he will be awarded the Derrick Transell Trophy.

Next year’s National Tournament, the 50^th, has been “taken over” by the National Executive and will be played at Champagne Sports in the Drakensberg.  At this stage I cannot say how many playing spots will be available but I would imagine that it would be less than the normal amount, so playing all your game is going to be imperative.

One of the things that came out of the National Council Meeting was that in future you would be allowed to play a Make Up game two months before and four months after the month in which the game should have been played.  I do understand the reasoning behind but this is sure going to make it so much easier to retain a continuous playing record!  Just remember to mark very clearly on the card, that you bring back from a Make Up game, exactly what month’s game is being Made Up.

Many thanks to all of you, including the Nomads from Northerns and Easterns, who came out to CCJ to lend a hand on Golforama at the Telkom PGA Business Tournament.  There were quite a few new faces and everyone had a great lot of fun.

I was delighted to hear that Ron Burg, who has not been well for a while, will continue as a Gauteng Sponsor Nomad even though there is no longer a Race Day at Turffontein.  Many thanks for your more than generous sponsorship over many years, I’m sure that Graham Bishop (our incoming Vice Captain) will liaise with you in this respect.

PHIL’S SCROTUM

 The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.

Suzie Smith stood up and walked to the podium.  She said, “I have praise.  Two months ago, my husband, Phil, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed.  The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn’t know if they could help him.”

You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Phil must have experienced.

“Phil was unable to hold me or the children,” she went on, “and every move caused him terrible pain.  We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Phil’s scrotum and wrap wire around it to hold it in place.”

Again the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Phil.

“Now” she announced in a quivering voice, “thank the Lord, Phil is out of hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely.”

All the men sighed with unified relief.  The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.

He said, “I’m Phil.” The entire congregation held its breath.  “I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum.

MONTHLY GAME

 Well what do you know, just two months after our last visit we were back at the Randpark Bushwillow course.  After all the rain the course (greens and fairways) was in magnificent condition and our thanks are extended to the Randpark Committee and Members for accommodating us again at such short notice.

There were some very good scores with the Pick Three amazingly being won on 38/40/38 by 3 people, all I could get was one of those scores in my “eclectic”.

We had a number of interesting visitors on the day, namely: – Honorary Life Member Joss Hamilton who helped out with the starting as he is now a Gauteng member, Border’s 1986 Captain Jack Rosenberg and Ken Powell one time Transvaal/Gauteng Nomad on a business trip down from Zimbabwe.  It was good seeing all of you again.

Congratulations to Dean Hausberger who had his first Divisional win in 2½ years of membership and to Allen Needham who achieved the magical 40 points for his first Silver Tray in almost 10 years membership.

Thank you to Paul Adams, our own Gauteng member, for bringing us up to date on the Old Mutual Pairs competition, this is the 9^th year of the competition.  It is such a pity that we can’t/didn’t play off of our Club handicaps, like some of the other Nomads Clubs do.  I know of one pairing who would have had an additional 10 points that would certainly have brought them close to the winner’s circle.  Congratulations to the three pairings who go through to the next round where you will play off of your Club handicaps.

Welcome to Dave Tunbridge who was inducted on the evening.  We hope you have a long and fruitful stay at Nomads, always remembering that the more you participate the more enjoyable it will be.

Grant Cochrane had a very long afternoon by collecting the Matchbox (it’s definitely not his first), The Worst Playing Pair and the Worst Playing Fourball but then he took home a lot more prizes than most of us did!

Thank you Larry B. for a most enjoyable fines session and your elimination fine, at the end, was clever, amusing and also very lucrative for the Club.

BIRTHDAY AND ANNIVERSARY WISHES

Bob Fussell      75      Rob Hoar      75       Kevin Vermeulen      60

Mark Pledger     40      Mark Rondi    40

CONGRATULATIONS TO

Jimmy & Sally Littlewood on the arrival of their great granddaughter on the day of the Randpark game.

CONDOLENCES TO

 Andrew Mentis and Roy Mentis on the tragic passing of their son and brother Brian.

Mike Hendricks on the passing of his wife Brenda after a long illness.

JUST ME

Tjol Lategan has been a Western Province Nomad for 21 years (Ag Shame!).  However he has been a practising attorney living in Johannesburg for the past 12 years, commuting between here and Cape Town for sufficient games per year.  He refused to transfer to us until we got rid of our red pants, now that we have made him happy he is going to ask his Club for a transfer.  I wonder if we should accept him, as he is still wearing a 15-year tie, I think he should get Western Province to give him a 20-year tie before he transfers!

We missed playing this month’s monthly game at The Wanderers (someone boobed!) so we will be playing the Highveld Trophy there on Wednesday the 6^th August and we will be the hosts.  A Gauteng team will be selected to play against Northerns and Easterns so, for those of you who don’t go to Nationals, this is your opportunity to meet Nomads from our two sister Nomads Clubs.  That means get your name in as soon as you receive the Entry Form from Bev, as the total entries will be 120 players (40 from each Club will be playing in threeballs).

Good luck to all our Gauteng players at the forthcoming National Tournament inn Port Elizabeth, do your best and try and bring back the Bert Hunt Trophy.

Please contact Andrew Mostert (Mossie) if you want a ticket in the Lotto or if you would like to “join the gang” on the Mystery Tour, don’t just think about it do it NOW before you miss the boat.

Many thanks to all of you who helped out at Golforama at the Joburg Open, there were quite a few first timers and it was possibly the best Gauteng turnout that we have ever had.  However, we need your help again at the Telkom PGA, this is going to take place at CCJ from Thursday the 3^rd to Sunday the 5^th April 2014.  We don’t have any contact details yet but please diarise the dates and make yourselves available, even if it is just for one day.

A great number of you have “forgotten” to enter your scores, for your Nomads games, irrespective of whether it is good or bad.  The worst being one of you who has only entered 2 of his 11 Nomads scores for 2013 and quite correctly all of you are now going to have your handicaps adjusted, don’t say you weren’t warned.  In future if you play a game at Nomads and forget to swipe with Bev (not always possible) and you forget your score then give Bruce Richards a ring and he will give your gross score (I have done that on a number of occasions).  This is going to be monitored more strictly in future and the necessary penalties will be implemented almost immediately.

Welcome to Graham Swallow, who has been co-opted onto the Executive Committee, as our Club Liaison man and he will also take over most of the Archives at the end of our financial year.

COIN CHOKING INCIDENT

 A father walks into a restaurant with his young son.  He gives the boy three one Rand coins to play with to keep him occupied.

Suddenly the boy starts choking and going blue in the face.  The father realises the boy has swallowed the coins and starts slapping him on the back.  The boy coughs up two of the coins but keeps choking.  Looking at his son the father is panicking and shouting for help.

A well dressed, attractive and serious looking woman in a blue business suit is sitting at the coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee.  At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of the boy’s testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.  After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last coin, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boy’s testicles, the woman hands the one Rand coin to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effect, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, “I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic.  Are you a doctor?”

“No,” the woman replied, “I’m with the South African Revenue Service”.