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Where does one start an article about a venue when you weren’t at the venue?!  Fortunately there will be the other reports and there will definitely not be any overlapping of information, to the members, this month!

Welcome to Anton Masterson who was inducted on the evening.  Remember to diarise all the remaining Nomads’ games, for the year, and remember that the more you participate the more fun you are going to have at Nomads.  Unfortunately you have missed playing in the unique Gary Player Knockout and also in the Andrew Mentis Endowment Fund Golf Day but there are lots of other trips in which you can participate, just speak to your Proposer.


Graham & Sue Swallow     25th


Despite having spoken to him, I would still like to congratulate “Uncle” Joe Civin on the magnificent achievement of attaining 95 years of age and he is still playing golf at least once a week.  We hope your son Errol, a Past Easterns Nomads Captain, will enter the two of you to play at our November Germiston game and we will at last be able to award you with your 45-year tie.



On updating my various records recently I discovered that Darren is the 50th Transvaal/Gauteng Nomads Captain.  The first Captain was Ludie Ludeman in 1965, 5 years after the Club was formed.

The first Membership meeting of the 2014/2015 year will be held in October. Because of the change in the Nomads’ calendar this will be the first one ever held in October and the second one will presumably be next April.  There are a number of you whom we have missed seeing at monthly games and you could be getting a letter to remind you that the “absolute minimum” number of games that you have to play, in a calendar year, is six.  If you are having a problem meeting this commitment, then it is time to sit down and write a letter to the Committee to explain your situation, about which we know nothing.

My wife Jeanette has received many calls from various Nomads during her recent very serious illness and she has asked me to thank them all personally, if I may.



The SARS decides to audit Granddad and summonses him to their offices.

The auditor was not surprised when Granddad showed up with his lawyer.

The auditor said, “Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling.  I’m not sure the SARS finds that believable.”

“I’m a great gambler and I can prove it,” says Granddad.  “How about a demonstration?”

The auditor thinks for a moment and says. “Okay. Go ahead.”

Granddad says, “I’ll bet you a thousand Rand that I can bite my own eye.”

The auditor thinks for a moment and says. “It’s a bet.”

Granddad removes his glass eye and bites it.  The auditor’s jaw drops.

Granddad says, “Now, I’ll bet you two thousand Rand that I can bite my other eye.”

Now the auditor can tell Granddad isn’t blind, so he takes the bet.

Granddad removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realises he has wagered and lost three grand, with Granddad’s lawyer as a witness.  He starts to get nervous.

“Want to go double or nothing?” Granddad asks, “I’ll bet you six thousand Rand that I can stand on one side of your desk and pee into the wastebasket on the other side and never get a drop anywhere in between.”

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Granddad stands beside the desk and unzips his pants but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor’s desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realising that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Granddad’s own lawyer moans and puts hid head in his hands.

“Are you okay?” the auditor asks.

“Not really,” says the lawyer.  “This morning, when Granddad told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand Rand that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it!”

Don’t Mess with Old People!